(art by Herb Ritt)
Inner life is tasting my own sweat,……
making me aware about my own breath,
which usually leads to a deep sigh,…..
coming out of my own awarness about my self_ unawarness.
my own incongruity.
It is like jumping into a bottomless ocean….
Everyday,thousands of thoughts,passing through my mind
weaving concepts,but I am unaware about most of them.
This realisation leads to my own unawarness,
motivates me to start an inner journey…introspection.
So that I can feel I exist…..
I exist in outer life and inner life
In outer life, I project an outer self image…I do things not for myself( or partly) but to make people think this or that about me,and I think…this is what others think about me.
In inner life, I didnt project anything but I have an inner self image,my own way of understanding and feeling…and I think I am this….internally.
My outer life is just a defense to hide my inner life…a kind of” deniel” and “reaction formation”.
Both outer and inner lives are my own concepts about my life.
It is my percieved truth about me or my life…it may not be truth at all.
But I am sure about one truth….that is… my outer life and inner life are painfully incongruent…..paradoxical.
I have an inner life,so private,so secret…and so mysterious.
It is mysterious because it is like a virtual private library,containg thousands of all sorts of files…..websites.
Some of which, has not even counted… numbered.
And I, myself, read only few pages of few files…few websites.
Among these virtual files, I think, one website is so mysterious which comprehend all universe,even the creator,butit is hidden.
when I find it…..it will provide immense eternal knowledge…sacred knowledge.
It will be like touching the nucleus of an atom…
it is like connecting myself with an unknown mysterious energy…boundless…measureless……
I do believe…there is no logical search engines to search in this boundless depth of my own mind,…..my own domain.
Only search engine is faith…to find out this mysterious website,beyong logic,
I call it ‘spirit’.
“Material things have closed boundaries; they are not accessible, cannot be penetrated, by things outside themselves. But one’s existence as a spiritual being involves being and remaining oneself and at the same time admitting and transforming into oneself the reality of the world. No other material thing can be present in the space occupied by a house, a tree, or a fountain pen. But where there is mind, the totality of things has room; it is “possible that in a single being the comprehensiveness of the whole universe may dwell.”
― Josef Pieper,