Self Mapping


(google image)….a beautiful depiction of old age fantasy.

What is self?

Self is affect(emotional component) , cognition(thinking, and understanding) and interaction.

but its  predominant domain is cognition.

Thinking occurs only when we are alert

(An unconscious person cant think)

And understanding is an awarness of something or self itself.

Self is like a wave or form of consciouness…..

And the consciousness has two components alertness and awarness.

how this alertness and awarness influence self?

it gives a kind of three dimensions.

Three dimensions of existence of self.

Innate self…existing for itself,the authentic form lying in consciousness in order to exist as a “being”.

Exist both in alertness and awarness

But in primary existential  zone.(analogue:perfume in an opened bottle)

Second, is projected self…here self reflect itself on something

the reflection can be based on social norms,faith,desires,needs……etc

(secondary existential zone,analogue:perfume applied on a cloth)

Third,is ‘self of deniel’ or nihilistic self

(invisible dissolved existential zone)

here,self exist as only  alertness but not in awarness….total/complete consciousness without self.And others can guess or infer it.

Its like  a perfume in a sealed bottle or a torch light in a  very bright sunlight.

Can the self  exist,even without satisfying the  essential criteria of thinking,  understanding and even consciousness?…..

Self can exist in a person in sleep, an altered state of consciousness.Here person can feel it as a virtual or in dream state.its like percieving/smelling real perfume in dreams.

Self can exist  even in unconscious person …unalert,unaware…nonexistent..paradoxical self….it may be like smelling perfume in a forgotten dream.

Self itself can be an illusion?

Self as distributed agent.

There is nothing like personal  self at all….self can be just an illusion…it is not something ‘locked in’within mind or related to just brain…it can be just an open system of interactions of consciousness with its enviornment,affecting each other and getting renewed  by each other..a kind of active vicious cycle.Boundary is not fixed.Because it is almost impossible to delinate inner world from external world,considering the fact that self is evolved by imbibing contents from its enviornment and the surrounding enviornment is evolving each moment by the influence of self of oneself or others.

Self mapping is actually difficult…it is not quantity but it is functioning in terms of interaction….within consciousness…or even beyond consciousness…..

If I lost my  limb,my brain can still feel pain in the area of lost limb….because it is already have the mapping in self,which leads to phantom limb phenomenon……and if I have a robot limb,it will leads to an extension of self beyond self mapping or self will grow beyond the ‘locked in’state.

And we believe that there is no self for a person,who is deceased, ……But I like to call that self as nonexistent self in eternal sleep.Here the content of self has changed and surrounding enviornment too… more it is brain or neural oriented.The person is not alert,unaware and others infer that the self is no more……it can be a liberated self and the enviorment, is not that of physical reality..its beyond brain..beyond perception….


I must tell you….

….. I forgot the fact that I forgot’ it’….And you too forgot the fact that you forgot it…and then..’it’ is in  a state of nothigness..the fact is’ it’ exist…but only God knows it……its existence.


An inner domain


(art by Herb Ritt)

Inner life is tasting my own sweat,……

making me aware about my own breath,

which usually  leads to a deep sigh,…..

coming out of my own awarness about my self_ unawarness.

my own incongruity.

It is like jumping into a bottomless ocean….

Everyday,thousands of thoughts,passing through my mind

weaving concepts,but I am unaware about most of them.

This  realisation leads to my own unawarness,

motivates me to start an inner journey…introspection.

So that I can feel I exist…..

I exist in outer life and inner life

In outer life, I project an outer self image…I do things not for myself( or partly) but to make people think this or that about me,and I think…this is what others think about me.

In inner life, I didnt project anything but I have an inner self image,my own way of understanding and feeling…and I think I am this….internally.

My outer life is just a defense to hide my inner life…a kind of” deniel” and “reaction formation”.

Both outer and inner lives are my own concepts about my life.

It is my percieved truth about me or my life…it may not be truth at all.

But I am sure about one  truth….that is… my outer life and inner life are painfully incongruent…..paradoxical.

I have an inner life,so private,so secret…and so mysterious.

It is mysterious because it is like a  virtual private library,containg thousands of all sorts of files…..websites.

Some of which, has not even counted… numbered.

And I, myself, read only few pages of few files…few websites.

Among these virtual files, I think, one website  is so mysterious which comprehend all universe,even the creator,butit is hidden.


when I find it… will provide immense eternal knowledge…sacred knowledge.

It will be like touching the nucleus  of an atom…

it is like connecting myself with an unknown mysterious  energy…boundless…measureless……

I do believe…there is no logical search engines to search in  this boundless depth of my own mind,… own domain.

Only search engine is faith…to find out this mysterious website,beyong logic,

I call it ‘spirit’.

“Material things have closed boundaries; they are not accessible, cannot be penetrated, by things outside themselves. But one’s existence as a spiritual being involves being and remaining oneself and at the same time admitting and transforming into oneself the reality of the world. No other material thing can be present in the space occupied by a house, a tree, or a fountain pen. But where there is mind, the totality of things has room; it is “possible that in a single being the comprehensiveness of the whole universe may dwell.”
― Josef Pieper, Happiness and Contemplation


A lantern under the lightning


(Painting by Kazuaki Tanahashi)

It was the last boat,to the remote village near a sea shore,

And we were sitting on adjacent seats,

under the shade of  a dark sky:

Breathing the same air encircling us

which was occassionaly blowing violently.

The boat was under the scrutiny of light from a  distant light house.

Under the light,

I saw her face ,like a  golden flame,to fade,

was shaky,

And its  tremulousness,was

sending waves to the shore,

I asked her ” what made you so sad?”

as I have noticed tears dribbling from her eyes.

She said”my husband got arrested, last week,

He was a drug dealer but was very good to me….

I have visited him twice in the jail,

but in the last visit, I met not only him but the jail superintendent on the way,

And he called me  ”  beautiful  angel”…

“then, you must be glad”I was innocent in my voice.

she was silent for a while,like the  flickering flame made a stand still for unknown reason….. in a lantern.

But,she was like a smoky lantern,

shedding a pale glow over me,

And I was like an eagerly waiting dog for its feed,wagging its tail…..

Then she continued…”…in the last night,the superintendent came to my house….and like a feral wind,he tresspassed my paradise,devastated everything in it.”

The pale moon in the sky ,was struggling but peeping through the dark clouds.

she was looking into my eyes helplessly……saddened with dark clouds……

I could see the agony …… the eyes of a poor rabbit in a dark forest, in the torch light of a hunter……

I asked her…”no laws in your land?”

She whispered  ….

” we have only brutal laws of hunting and dominance”

Suddenly, a spell of a violent  lightning with thunder,struck the boat,

and it was almost sinking….

I just wrapped my arms around her……..

“dear,in my land, no laws but only love  that sprouts spontaneously”

My eyes were shedding a dancing glow over her face.

And  although the waves were unpolite to its edges…..the boat was heading towards its shore……….The light house was,now,…. closer.

(unfortunately….this story is based on real event from the life of  a rape victim)







Diamond in the sky


(picture courtesy, facebook)

In my childhood,

My Grandma told me,

There are Angels.

They visit earth once in a while.

And they collect tears from sorrowful hearts

in  heavenly bottles,

And in lonely nights of deep sigh,

They will shower it back…..

these tears as  sparkling diamonds of new hope….

I asked her….

When will I meet such an angel…?

She said,

Dont you see the sparkling diamonds in the sky?


“To see the angels…..

Dear, wait…with a loving heart.

She will come to you..oneday in your life time.

When she comes…..

Embrace her with your loving heart”.

Then she kissed me on my forehead.

And whispered..”My precious diamond”….

I could see sparkling sky in her eyes.

“When angels visit us, we do not hear the rustle of wings, nor feel the feathery touch of the breast of a dove; but we know their presence by the love they create in our hearts”*

(*The quote courtesy, MARY BAKER EDDY, Poems by Mary Baker Eddy)

Misty blue


( image courtesy….Advita)

oh,sweet, swiftly flowing misty blue……

surround me , ethereal beauty…..

ripples in me,as serene symphony,

immerse me in my dreams…..

Dont hide under your veil….for a while,

pamper me in your lap….

with the cool, mysterious smile,

with your feathery touch….

paint within me,

the everlasting night.

Look me in the eyes,

behold me,

under your magic spell,

like a child…..

let me immerse in my dreams.

you,the delightful sight,

just cant get you off my mind….

why shoul I try,

My misty blue…….

A  mysty spark in my heart.


the unknown me


If I say, I love all humanbeings,

I am decieving myself,it may not be the truth,

If I say I hate all human beings,

It can be  a lie.

If I  say, no one loves me or  people around me ,are hating me…..

These are extreme positions,in terms of  opinion and assumptions.

I have all the rights to keep my own opinions,since I am unique,

But If they are not reality based,or my ‘reality testing’ is impaired,

how can my mind function properly in a real situations?,

My basic,fundamental assumptions are very important,

because they colour my perceptions,my inputs,

If my inputs(perceptions) are distorted,then the output(expressions) will be distorted.

It is my internal mood and the assumptions  regarding myself and others

are most important for perception than my actual world outside,

because my perception is actually a reflection of my own self.

In other words,my perception has two components…..

An inspective part,which inspect outside and imbibe external world or stimuli,

then,an introspective part,which add my ‘self'(mood and preconcieved ideas)into the stimuli,(this may not be even conscious).The introspective/innate component is more important

And both these aspects constitute my ” coginitive phenomenal field”…..

…nothing but my awarness… mind..myself.

And I am always identifying( considering) with my mind as if I am the ” my mind”

but infact’ I’ am beyond my own ideas,thoughts, assumption and my own limited mind.

I always misguided that I percieve the truth as itself … I am a rational being…..

but the truth is..

all  my logic,ideas,concepts,believes,thoughts,feelings,moods,knowledge,mental images,imaginations…eveything is a creation of my mind……And

I am just a slave of my own limited distorted mind.



How can I meet the undistorted ,superconscious’ I’…(may be the ever existing being within me),beyond  my body and my own mind..(.beyond the veil)?

I dont know,whether…I have such existence’the superconscious ‘I’

Because I am unable to lift up/raise the veil…I have identified myself with the veil.

I am sofar the veil…how can a veil  get raised by itself, its own?

This is an existential struggle…..I am trying to lift up the basket in which I am sitting.

My sweet white peony


you are like a white peony,

pure at heart,visible in your lips,

as transperant glow…..

wet with night kisses of snow,

you are a spectacular soul

watched  with my heart

fragile,yet resilient

the aroma ,I could never smell

I am a distant observer,

but the glow….

I could see from my universe

as snow white,

And I know that

you love colour the most.

Drink the wine


(picture courtesy-penwoth public trust)

What is the purpose of my life? I was just wondering about my own life….

(I am asking about the purpose or  meaning of life may be from my own  fear of death,

and considering life as a brief speck of  spell).

If I was immortal….and carrying the thoughts of Fyodor M. Dostoevsky and Friedrich W. Nietzsche that `If God is dead, then everything is possible for mankind.’ I would not ask the question of purpose of my life.

Social psychologists are in an opinion that the meaning of life, is derived from a fundamental fear of death, and values are selected when they allow us to escape the mental reminder of death…

May be a kind of defense,a kind of deniel of impending death,and identification with God figure,some people says…..“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.”and

“Poor soul, you will never know anything
of real importance. You will not uncover
even one of life’s secrets. Although all religions
promise paradise, take care to create your own
paradise here and now on earth.”


“Beyond the earth,
beyond the farthest skies
I try to find Heaven and Hell.
Then I hear a solemn voice that says:
“Heaven and hell are inside.”
― Omar Khayyám, The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

Indian Vedanta,the Advaita also says the same thing.


And for psychology, it is  the prosperous journey of adjustment to any given environment to develop a sense of comfort , happinessand feeling of mastery.In other words, just to enjoy life with a strong self.

Most religions believe that life is a test from God.

And the pupose of life is to know the God.

In Bible ,God is not against enjoying life,but it should be with a reverence to the provider of life,the God itself.

Ecclesiastes 8:15, ‘Then I commended mirth, because a man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat , and to drink , and to be merry ‘, but at the end of the chapter he says 12:13,” Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man”.

According to bible,a  death after acqiuring   wealth  or happiness  of the world without knowing God is futile…..

In Luke 12:19 there was a man,a prototype of many….he said,” I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.” But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be required of you. Then who will own what you have accumulated?’…and he died that night.Hence acqiuiring wealth or fame may not be the pupose of life as death is inevitable.This true with the  following quotes….

Man proposes but God disposes.’
 [“A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.” Proverbs 16:9]


“The world is a stage, and we’re just actors playing parts.’by Michel Eyquem, Seigneur de Montaigne (1580) by William Shakespeare (1600).

And  considering the God as the script writer and the director.

But we are not just actors…We have choices to select,between life and death…our pupose is to find out the eternal life.The concept of eternal life is  very prominant in Bible..the pupose of our life is to fuse with the eternal life……JESUS,HE IS the ALPHA AND the OMEGA…..

Everything happened for Jesus and through him…he was and is the  logos(word),

In Colossians 1:16
“For in Him all things were created, things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities. All things were created through Him and for Him.Aim of the life is to find out Jesus, to know Jesus,live in him and die for him.

This appears as a stupidity.Because Jesus we know is a Christian God.

ButJesus is beyond our concepts.”In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God”(John1:1)There is a power in his words…He said’Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds’.

Dying of the self”I” is the  most important event in life.

We are searching for something from outside to find our life worth living…but search should be in  inward direction….its end is in the death of the self….. the kernel should die…

We cant do  that dying without him.Jesus..because he said “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me,John 14.16.He died and resurrected.

If we can die with him…we can resurrect with him…into eternal life

In summary,we can drink worldly wine and die eternaly or can  drink the eternal wine, the Jesus and live eternaly.World says,purpose of life is happiness and it  is in drinking  the wine of momentary pleasures

.“Drink wine. This is life eternal. This is all that youth will give you. It is the season for wine, roses and drunken friends. Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.”
― Omar Khayyám.This is ,a kind of living based on pleasure principle.

In terms of neurotransmitter activity,one of our brain’s part,Limbic system is for that pleasure.If one believes that the meaning of life is to maximize pleasure and to ease general life,it is his choice.

The other choice is drinking the  eternal wine….

“Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.Mathew9:17.The new wine is Jesus,his words…

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing(john15:5).

Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.(john 6:53)



The circle


(Picture-Herb Ritts)

Circle expresses the ideas of wholeness, completion, and perfection.

It is a unique  two dimensional object/figure.

It has got infinite symmetry.

Where rectangles lack curves and feel masculine, circles embody femininity with their curves.The female egg, Ovum is spherical.

The circle also suggest movement — think about wheels, soccer balls or basketballs, and the elliptical paths of planetary orbits.

Native Indian’s faith on circle (Black Elk)

“Everything the power of the world does is done in a circle.

The sky is round and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball and so are all the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls.

Birds make their nests in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours.

The sun comes forth and goes down again in a circle. The moon does the same and both are round.

Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing and always come back again to where they were”.

(by Black Elk, Holy Man of the Oglala Sioux 1863-1950)

Classic Yin Yang Symbol

This symbol represents the primal opposing but complementary forces found in all things in the universe. Depicted as it is, it also outlines the necessity of balance in all things.


The National Flag of India is a horizontal rectangular tricolour of deep saffron,  with the Ashoka Chakra, a 24-spoke wheel, in navy blue at its centre

The “Ashoka Chakra” in the centre of the white is the wheel of the law of dharma. Truth or satya, dharma or virtue ought to be the controlling principle of those who work under this flag. Again, the wheel denotes motion. There is death in stagnation

in Advaita,an Indian philosophy, is the highest point of all philosophy: that the absolute, which lies at the basis of all the external world, is also the basis of our internal world. Both the semicircles unite in one circle.There is no external or internal world; there is only one truth, and I myself am that absolute truth.

In Greek philosophy

In theory of Forms,Plato decribes ideal forms

No one has ever seen a perfect circle, nor a perfectly straight line, yet everyone knows what a circle and a straight line are-Plato

In bible,

“Have ye not known? have ye not heard? hath it not been told you from the beginning? have ye not understood from the foundations of the earth? It is he that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, and the inhabitants thereof are as grasshoppers; that stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in”(Isaiah 40:22).

“And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald”(revelation 4:3).

The glorious rainbow roundabout God’s throne,and in the radiant halos above the heads of his saints, shows circle as  a divine symbol.

And last but not least….

‘God is a circle whose centre is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere’ (Hermes Trismegistus)


(picture by vadim sadovski)