Usually, there are key images formed in our mind during childhood through interactions with those significant persons, may be father, or mother – but sometimes elder sibling , teacher, influential friend can also have similar role.Such key figures influence us in a substantial way our communication/ interaction .We learn our communication style from these key figures. Communication being a learned behavior,there is a risk of acquiring a negative style of a key figure in our life.Often we are not aware of it.
These negative styles become discordant notes in communication. Those discordant notes-verbal or nonverbal- can evoke negative reaction in interpersonal communication.Being awareof ones own discordant notes and suppressing them and being skillful to recognize others discordant notes and resistant to it, is important for a proper communication.Since communication is the back bone of rapport and relationship,the sensitivity to discordant note is so important.
Our mind can assume certain communication styles in a day itself. It can adopt a parental style or a teacher style or a friend style.According to Eric Bern, a person can be like parent, adult or child in interactions. The parent style assumes a mental position which proclaim that-‘I am ok but you are not ok”.The adult position says “I am ok and you too ok”. The child says I am not ok but you are ok.Since most of the interactions are occurring through communication, I think we can apply this principle to communication too.In fact, I have generalized it to the concept of key figures in life.
A parent to parent style communication can be disastrous since both are in authoritative role, where as adult to adult is usually smooth and positive since it involves mutual acceptance.A child to child is like a childish play can be go in either way in its end result. As you can see there are other possibilities of communication with different mental positions. Example parent- child, parent- adult, adult-child etc.My advice don’t be rigid in your mental positions. Try to be flexible as situation demands and let your position synchronize with other persons mental position